Its Mama……The Little Blue Dress
Today was a fun day, Madison. You and I met at Fayette Mall in Lexington, KY at the crack of dawn and stayed until dusk…quite literally. And, as we always do…we laughed, talked of the past (but, very little which is good), and mostly enjoyed the fellowship between mother and daughter which is a precious gift I will never take lightly. You (and Grammy) are truly my “soul” sisters and I cherish every moment I spend with both of you.
Today had a lot of great memories attached to it…your usual “letting me know what you want for your birthday” even though mine is before yours and has not yet passed😊. I joke about it with you and you playfully pout but we both know that there is going to be money spent of cute clothes and things and such for you. I hope this never changes!
It is hard for a Mama who loves her daughter so very much to hold back on spending for her but I am learning to let you pay your way (or at least split the way) because I won’t always be here for you and I want you to know how to care for yourself.
There were a lot of “firsts” today and I wanted to share some of them so we would remember this day and sear it on our hearts for the good in it…
For example, we shopped in the “regular” clothes section which has been a goal of yours for a long time. Watching you go from rack to rack at Macys, Dillards, and seeing things through your eyes was like giving birth and re-raising you all over again. I cannot remember when you were last able to do this and while I am so very grateful for all the wonderful curvy stores (as, I know you are), I never realized until today how much shopping in this way truly meant to you. It was pure joy to see you fulfill this goal.
Store to store was a magical adventure watching you try on clothes and figuring out your style. I loved sitting back and watching you change from dress, to pants, to shirt, to shirt….hearing you truly enjoy the blessing of shopping and the joy of placing your every growing healthy body into clothes you would never have dared previously.
Hearing you exclaim, “Mama, I have a waist…Mama, see here…that is my hip, my collar bone, the dimple in my chin” was tender music to my ear.
Normally, when we go shopping, it is for you and thus, I don’t try on clothes but rather sit in the dressing room and put things back on the hanger after you try them on…taking photos from attractive angles so that you would see yourself as I do…regardless of size…beautiful and lovely and beloved to me.
But, today, I actually brought clothes into the dressing room and we had the joy and friendship of trying on things together and laughing when things were “definitely not for me…or you” or “Mama, you should get that…you look beautiful” or “Madison, that is a must have as it shows your sassy self”. I will cherish those moments today forever on my heart.
You learned how much Mama pays when she takes you shopping and turned down two dresses you really loved but were expensive. Both of us had spent so much already. It broke my heart to watch you put them back. I had to turn my head away as you chose not to buy them and resist the urges to tell you to go ahead and get them. I had the money…but you needed the experiences of saying “no” to yourself. And I watched to see if you took in this “heart” message of not always needing to buy something just because it is lovely and you look good in it. At first, I could feel the sadness of letting the dresses stay, but rather than be sad, you shared what a good day it had been and that you bought what you really needed.
Telling ourselves no is a powerful lesson to learn, but critical if we are to have the life God intended for us to have. And not that you have never said no to yourself or that we have not told you no, because you have and we have, but this is one of the first times that I think you understood the value of doing so.
Especially painful to leave behind was the beautiful blue and white Jude Connally dress. It was absolutely gorgeous on you. The blue made your blue eyes twinkle and shine. You were so excited to be able to fit the dress and shared that “for the first time, I have found a dress I love, that encourages my confidence, and is something I can wear for a long time and to many events and it is in a regular size and it fits!!”. Everyone watching you try it on stopped and commented on how lovely you looked in it…you actually tried it on twice…maybe even three times trying to figure out if you should purchase it or not due to the high price. You said, “Mama, I can buy several outfits or bras for the price of this dress” so we went to that lingerie section and got you fitted for your new size undergarments and that was the deciding factor on saying no to the Jude Connally Blue Dress.
And, with that decision made, we left our shopping day with a hug and kiss to one another and a bag full of memories that will carry you and I for a long time.
You are not a materialistic person, typically putting people in front of things. Sometimes, to the sacrifice of yourself. But, today, I was proud of your ability to accept that for all the fun of shopping, sometimes you have to say no to yourself for the greater good of yourself.
As you drove away in your car, I sat in mine
And prayed
And I thought about the times where God blessed me extravagantly when I had obeyed his will that I forgo something, or stay no to someone, or let go of something….when, without a doubt, I did not deserve His favor on my life…
And, yet…He did not hesitate to love me, give to me, share with me His extravagant….abundant love…
You had just left, but I called you to ensure you were gone from the mall and you said you were turning left on Nicholasville Road to go home…and….
So, I walked back into the store, up the escalator, and into the same section we had just left
And I bought the Jude Connally dress….
The young woman that waited on us originally was there and when she saw me, she was thrilled for you so much that as I walked away, she stopped me, walked over and hugged me….in your honor
She asked me what changed…and I told her
God did
This is not about material shopping, buying, and spending money
Today was about appreciating the blessings of time together, learning a new way of thinking, self-control, and God’s extravagant love
May this Blue dress be a simple reminder that we are to be good stewards of the gifts God gives us and that all of His gifts to us are extravagant,
I love you as only your Mama Can,
Mama
PS. Blue Dress is here at home…you can come get it any time:)
