It’s Madi….”Everything is Going to be Okay”

It’s Madi……”Everything is Going to be Okay”

I say that a lot to people in my life.

Sometimes I think that I need a little reminding of that myself, and fortunately I’ve had a few moments the past few months where that has been exactly my experience.

I had a quick little “weekend getaway” this past weekend, where I was able to watch my parent’s house and take care of their dog. It was a weekend of relaxation, calm, serenity, prayer, and clearing the mind. I’ve noticed being in new environments tends to do that for me- a quick change in scenery allows me to refresh, regroup, and refocus for the week ahead.

I woke up Saturday morning in my parent’s house in Georgetown with this feeling of, “Something that will challenge you is going to happen today.”

My intuition is just that good sometimes… so I’ve learned.

So, lost in my own head trying to figure out what could possibly be happening later in the day… I walked by the one obvious sign of what that moment would be. Of course. 😂

I came face to face with my past- in both a literal and figurative sense. A past and reality I had been intentionally avoiding having to face for a long time.

I feel like I’m expected to say it hurt.
Made me extremely uncomfortable.
Stung.
Made me want to crawl into a ditch and die.
Ruined the rest of my day.
That’s how I was “supposed” to feel, right?

But it didn’t feel that way. Not even for a second.
I had no negative feelings in all honesty, other than shock and amusement at how the one thing I had intentionally gone out of my way to avoid that day…. happened anyways.

God really loves testing me.

I laughed out loud as I continued to mind my own business. And then I tried to specifically identify how I was feeling for a moment.

How did I feel? Sad? Angry? Guilty? Scared? Awkward?

No. Not at all.
I truly felt joyful.
The anger that was within me a year ago no longer existed.
It was like none of the bad had ever happened.

I realized when you see someone you once truly loved being happy in their life, how can you NOT be joyful? In that moment I was able to see why things had to end. I’d like to think I was at least a happy chapter for him in his life like he was a happy chapter for me in mine.

Can’t really say I’ve felt “joy” in my life before. But I realize now that the joy I was feeling was due to being able to see how powerful healing and forgiveness has been in my life.

I saw that not only had I forgiven someone for hurting me, but he also forgave me for the things I did against him. Because hurt was felt on both ends- of that I am aware.

And in a silent nonchalant way, this was a moment where I realized that we BOTH had chosen forgiveness.
The words didn’t even need to be spoken.

I think this moment was extremely significant to me, since this is the very moment, I had prayed for over a year ago.

On March 8, 2020, I went to church at Southland Christian Church. The day before, I had experienced one of the most painful things I had ever felt in my entire life. Heartbroken did not even describe half of what I felt in my spirit.

I was lost and didn’t know what to do next.
I went up to the front of the church at the end of the service and asked to be prayed over, and for healing of my broken heart.

And as I looked into the eyes of the man, I once loved last Saturday, smiling at me like he does when he greets an old friend….

I felt God saying,

“This is what you asked for, isn’t it?
You wanted me to heal your heart, right?

“I did. Your heart is whole again.”

You wanted to see where you fit In, in his life?

Here’s your answer:
“You don’t.”

Indeed.
Message received loud and clear.

He came up to me and we had a brief friendly chat, much like I have with a cashier at the grocery store. Despite the years of love spent together, the reality of him being a stranger to me now sank in.

Then we waved goodbye and went our separate ways.
He went back to his life, and I have gone back to mine.

We are not the same people we were a year ago.
But I live in peace with the understanding that it’s just how it was meant to be. We are both exactly where we are needing to be in our lives.

I used to think I couldn’t live without this man. Letting go of him was absolutely the ONE thing in my life I knew I did NOT want to do.
But for his sake and HIS happiness, I knew it had to happen.

And I ended up being okay in the end, after all.
My priorities in life have changed since then, but I’m in a happy and positive place in life.

And I’m thankful to see that everything is okay.
He and I are okay.
And whenever someone comes along in my life, I’m ready for them.

I feel so blessed to have loved and have lost.
But I am perfectly fine as I am now.

But my intuition tells me that very soon, I will love again.