It’s Mama…
J is for Johnson, your brother
I John 4:21
And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.
Children,
I count being the mother to the three of you one of my greatest blessings….from the moment you were a dream in my heart until this very day, it has been evident that you were given to me to remind us of all that is good and worthy and wonderful.
Each of you brings to the table of our family a different purpose and view. But each of you is important and necessary to make our family whole and complete….
And so it is with Johnson….
From the very beginning, Johnson, you were already yourself….alive and active in my belly, it was an easy thing to tell who was baby “A” versus baby “B”. Those monikers were given you due to location in my tummy. You carried up high directly under my heart and ribs most of my pregnancy and were a pretty active little “fellow” as Mamaw Betty called you.
It was your heartbeat that ran fastest and your movement that could be felt most clearly as if to say, I may be second outside the womb, but I am first in making myself known.
I won’t go into the story of how your arrival on this earth went except to say that the doctor said to me, “Mama, he likes it in there and this is going to take a minute to get him to come out and see us”.
But, with a little help and a lot of prayer, arrive you did, and our family has been forever changed since that day on May 31, 1995 at 5:11am…6lbs and 3 ozs
What a blessing and honor it has been to be your Mama….
Your little cotton top head melted my heart from the very first moment I saw you and has not stopped these past twenty-five years.
A Mama’s heart comes to know her babies in a way no one else ever can, and you and I were no exception…people thought I had lost my mind when I slept with my hand on your little chest for the first eight weeks of your life. Even my own mother thought I was being OCD but what I knew that not even she knew was that sometimes your breathing became very shallow and would take a “pause”. I could not get anyone to believe me at first and this was pre-heart monitor days, so I slept with my hand on or near your chest. Eventually, your pediatrician acknowledged that he did think you were having apnea spells which he attributed to your high bilirubin levels (jaundice) and put you back in the hospital to monitor you…and guess what? I was right…you were having apnea! I learned to always trust my Mama’s instinct from that point forward and you and I both know it has paid off well in your life.
So, back into the hospital we went and under the lights you went until you returned to normal range. You levels were so high that you almost had to have a blood infusion….but, after a few days, we were able to bring you home and “sunbathe” you every day in our back yard. Thank God it was Summer, and the sun was our friend that year.
That was just the first of what would be many adventures we have had with you over your twenty-five years…
One of my favorite memories was the experience of your first sentence….you loved all things ball…baseball, basketball, football, bouncy ball….all of them….and your first sentence was…
“I am ball”
You knew from early on that you were going to be best friends with sports, and especially those which included a ball and you were right….you were and have always been my child who loved being athletic and more importantly, you had the discipline and courage to become good at every sport you ever attempted to play..
You didn’t just enjoy your sports, you had a great respect and love of the game and it was evident from your first step onto the plate, entry onto the football field, step onto the court….
It was your passion, and you gave it your all
And that is probably one of my favorite things about you…
Whatever you do, you seem to do with great passion – whether it is play a sport, be a friend, complete a school assignment, date a young lady, …apply yourself to your military service, nursing school, or be your mother’s son….you put your whole heart into it
Of course, that same passion also applies to the other areas of your life – your need for adventure, racing down the highway, tag with your friends, partying with your friends, need for adventure, and seemingly endless seasons at the gym and playing intermural sports
We used to say “the sun always rises and sets on Johnson’s butt” because so many great things seem to come your way and appeared to effortlessly, and I will agree that you do seem to have things come your way quite a bit. But what I know as your mother is the blood, sweat, and tears at times that you spent in achieving your goals
You were a quiet warrior behind the scenes….practicing late into the evening when the sun set and the outdoor lights were all you had to see by; being first and last into the batting cage, spooling your basketball on your finger and racing through the house juggling, going to the high school parking lot to practice driving, studying quietly at home when everyone else thought you were asleep.
I saw you…
I also bore witness to many times when you were challenged, most of which I will not write here but which you and I know to be true…
Times where your position on a team was impacted by coaches who were influenced by things other than what had been earned; ER physicians who said you could not try out for middle school basketball due to a broken thumb and who bandaged you from finger to shoulder, young coaches who did not understand the heart of a young player, coaches who did not have compassion on a young player whose family was broken and whose mother really did have breast cancer. The list could go on and on, but I’ll stop here to say…
I saw you
In my heart, I walked with you through every hard journey I have been aware of with the utmost confidence that in the good times, you would learn to be humble and aware of your hard work and in the bad times, you would learn to push though and learn to be humble and aware of your need to grow and mature
Never for one minute did I ever doubt your work ethic, passion, and especially your great heart
And, for those times I knew you were going through something that you did not want to share, I still walked with you, many times sitting outside your bedroom door praying God would hold you close and bring you to the other side
And, He did…
And you grew and matured and became such a wonderful son
And, even though you were loud and I confess, at times obnoxious, during your teen years and early adulthood, Mama knew that was just covering a proud and hurt heart at times…..
And, although you were loud…I also know you held and still hold your cards close to your chest a lot of the time. I learned early on in your life that while I could walk by you, I mostly had to give you wide space to find your own way….
And so I tried very hard to do that….I have always felt it was a balancing that I had to learn to do…love you hard and well while giving you a wide berth to figure out who you are and doing it on purpose
There are some especially precious moments we have had together, a few of which I will share here and many more which you will find some day in the journal I keep for you
* playing basketball in the back yard at 1020 Balsam Drive and the day I knew I would never be close to as good as you (you were very young)
* Watching you climb to the top of the Magnolia tree with no fear and only the sense of adventure
* Watching you surpass the baseball tee getting frustrated that the coach would not pitch to you (again, very young)
* Watching you be so intense on any field, court even at an early age, clearly catching on to things way earlier than most of the other players around you
* Watching you “speed demon” down the street with your new bicycle I bought you with my first paycheck after I had returned back to work at the bank in Georgetown and seeing the pure joy and your face
* Your standing up for your sister when a neighbor girl was so mean and all of our family praying she would move…and, she did
* All the firsts in all of the sports you ever played
* Your guitar playing at Western😊
* your “broken thumb” incident and leaving work each day to come and give you a Tylenol for the pain and unwrapping your thumb so you could practice and then try out (of course, you made the team)
* all the late nights at our neighbor’s house making that basketball video and your telling me you were proud of me for doing that
* all the times staying up late to wash your uniforms (especially baseball), sometimes in the sink at a hotel, and your telling me “thanks, Mama’
* Your chipped teeth (every time) and getting them fixed quickly
* Your August 2003 Grand Slam
* May 20, 2006 You pitched your first no hitter
*March 31, 2014 you hit your first walk off home run to deep left in the bottom of the 9th inning
* Mother’s Day 2015 you sent me a shirt “Keep Calm and Fly Kites” from BMT 😊/My ILYAOYSC necklace
* Mother’s Day 2020, you snuck into town during a COVID-19 pandemic and flew kites with me…
*KANG graduation and tapping you out…one of my top 5 memories with you. I still tear up thinking about it
* 2017
* The times you call “just because” or to share a good thing and even those times you have called to share a struggle or a sad thing. To be a little bit needed by you even as you grow into adulthood is precious to my heart in ways you will not understand until you are a Daddy some day
*March 4, 2020 – your first solo RN work; you called to share with me how well it went
* Quite a few nursing growth stories – I cherish every single one
* Every call, note, hug, sharing you have ever given me since your birth has been precious to my heart
* The letter you wrote to me for my birthday March 29, 2020 changed my heart forever in such a wonderful way. That you would take time to let me know what you think of me is everything….
*Your unabashed love of Pokemon and Kumodo Dragon and their back stories
* Your unconditional forgiveness
* The way your face lights up when I walk your direction
* The strength of your hugs as I grow older knowing all of you is in that hug…the baby, the little boy, the man
* When you call me, come visit, text me for no special reason
* The way you stand in front of me, beside me, and behind me
* I love it when you surprise me….with your presence
* Your confidence in me as a Mama…knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I am “that mom” that will pull every competitive fiber of my being to love you, protect you, and respect you
* Your confidence in me as a Granna knowing that I will put my whole heart into loving your babies even from a distance….always in all ways!
* Your trust in my confidentiality (I think you know I don’t even share with Ian) those things that you share with me
* Your unconditional love for me
I truly do love you “more than all the blades of grass on all the fields in all the world” which is truly significant for me and you. My earliest and fondest memories are of my bare feet walking onto the freshly cut grass and loving the feel of it. Our Millstead family did not take vacations except to Oklahoma where dirt mostly was to be found. But, at all the houses we ever lived, we had lush grassy yards and that feeling of running across the grass is imprinted on my heart from my youth…it is fitting that that is “our” quote since from the time you were little, you loved running through the grass in our yards, in the baseball fields, the football fields, the gold course…and, grass is perpetual, every growing, changing, and staying strong through the good weather and the not so good weather.
I love you, Johnson Robert Luke McKenzie
With all of my heart
As only Your Mama Can,
Mama
Addendum: I asked your siblings to give me some words to describe you and wanted to share those as well. I’ll let you guess who said which😊….watching the three of you love one another and love well is precious to my heart. Your ability to see the good in one another, to provide friendship to each other, to stand strong together is such a blessing to watch. NOONE will love you like Madison and Kenton. They are your day ones and will be your day ones until your time on this earth is over. They have journeyed through this life with you in good times and in bad and have been a significant part of your personal growth. They have caused your heart to expand, your patience to increase, and your spirit to be filled. They call you out on your bad choices, mistakes, and pride. They celebrate your successes, your work ethic, and your special moments in life like no one else can. They stand with you always in all ways. You are blessed to have Madison and Kenton as siblings and they you. During your hard times, times you have pushed them away, been critical of them, they have stayed beside you. During your good times, they have stepped out of the way and let you be lifted up. Knowing you intimately, they have described you as Dedicated, joyful, determined, energetic, enthusiastic, silly, strong, passionate, forgiving, loving, insightful, hard working, and committed.
Never take that for granted, always invest in them and make time for them, and always always let them know how deeply you need them and love them in return…
You will always have friends who are like family, but they will never compare…ever….to having your siblings as friends…
They love you as only your siblings can…
—Madison and Kenton
