It’s Mama……E is for Entrust
E is for Entrust(ed)
My Children,
I have a very purposeful and specific memory of the moment I first held each of you. I could feel the weight of God’s hand as he entrusted you into my care. And, granted, while I did not fully understand the responsibility that entailed in that moment, I knew it was going to be life-changing for me…and you..
Forever
For you, Madison, it was that moment you came to me screaming loudly and firmly as if to shout to the world, “I am here, watch me live”. You made me a mama, the greatest gift I have ever received outside of my personal salvation. Dr. Jones’ placing you on my chest cut open a piece of my soul and placed you within it forever altering my view of the world, my life….my spirit.
Early morning feedings became small moments of worship and praise of thanksgiving to God. Diaper changings became celebrations of health and every new lesson learned seared on my heart as precious firsts…first poopie diaper (we have videoed), first burp, first time you slept all night. First time you grasped my finger with your tiny hand, first time you opened your eyes and pierced my heart. First warm bath, first time I sang “Baby Mine”, “You are my Sunshine”. First time you attended church, first time in the stroller, first time I read to you. It was all such a magical, wonderful, beautiful time in my life.
It is in those small moments where the weight of God entrusting you into my care changed the fabric of my personhood where “I” and “me” and “my” gave way to full understanding that life is less about embracing the needs of ourselves and more about embracing what He entrusts to us.
We lived in that understanding, feeling like we had it down pretty pat, and then your brothers joined you on this earth.
From the moment I first felt pregnant and all throughout my pregnancy with your brothers, it was as if magic had been placed in our home and we were the beneficiaries of it.
I knew early on we were having twins and that they were boys. I’ve always felt that God, in His mercy, shares these things with us so we can prepare our hearts.
I cherish my and your time together during those nine months, because things changed so much once your brothers got here. You and I watched my stomach grow, and grow, and grow!! We began taking a nap on the couch together and shared our dreams of what the boys would look like, what we would name them, and what life would be like once they got here.
It was a sacred season
One in which we could tangibly feel God’s presence
And, then my water broke And your dad and I went to the hospital
And you stayed home with Grammy….
It was hard leaving you at home and not taking you with us….up to this point, we had done everything together….
As we backed our car out of the driveway, you and Grammy waved excitedly to us and wished us well…..
And, in that moment, I felt God pulling you back into His and Grammy’s care…The weight of entrusting you to His good care found its seat in my soul and I knew all would be well
I labored until the early morning with your brothers, just your Dad and I. He slept on the little couch in the room and I was pulled back into that sacred holiness that God takes Mama’s to as they work with Him to bring life into this world.
Around 4:30 am, I told your Dad it felt like the boys wanted “out of here” so he got the nurse to check me and she said, “you still have time”, but I knew we did not. I told your dad…she’s wrong…they are coming, please get Dr. Hager and so he did.
Dr. Hager came in and checked me and everything after that was a whirlwind of emotions and delivery…..and, yet….Dr. Hager took the time to pray with me. Just me, Dr. Hager, and the twins striving to join us alone with God.
Kenton, Dr. Hager helped keep you inside until we got to the delivery room at which point your sweet, little self came out into the quiet of the room. You entered this world without a sound, eyes open. Dr. Hager placed your face against mine where I could see it and then lay you in the isolette. I waited to hear you cry but nothing came. Because you came so quickly, the team that was scheduled to be here with your and Johnson’s delivery had not yet made it to the delivery room.
Everything stopped for me…
and, I remember watching you and asking your Dad, who joined us, to go over and check in on you. I think he felt pulled on where he should be…with me or with you, Kenton. By then, the nurse had arrived and was scrubbing your body with a towel, getting circulation going and talking with you. Dr. Hager said, “Lesa, he’s okay…you still have work to do and he won’t cry until we get his brother here.”
Dr. Hager spoke pretty firmly to me while looking at me in the eyes, “Lesa…focus on my so we can get his brother….let’s work together”. He pulled in another Doctor and the three of us teamed up with God and brought you, Johnson, into this world.
Truth
The minute Johnson arrived crying, Kenton began crying as well….a loud, strong wail as if “brother, what took you so long?”
It was a holy moment in my life and one I will never forget
Once Johnson was cleaned up, they brought both boys to me and all was quiet….
Kenton, you had a head of black hair and Johnson, your hair was as white as the snow….both perfect baby boys and the bond between you already set into motion
Seeing the three of you together for the first time, Madison sitting in the hospital bed with me, with a baby brother in our arms and feeling the blessing of each of you is a memory seared upon my Mama’s heart forever.
Even as I write this, tears well up and my heart is full
Psalm 19: 1
“The heavens declare the glory of the God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands”
Children, when God entrusts someone or something to you, guard it with your whole heart for your whole life.
It is easy to see God’s hand working when we give birth to our babies because it truly is a miracle. But what I pray each of you do is see the miracles in every aspect of your life and God’s entrusting of everything and every part of it.
Your relationships with each other as brother and sister,
aunt and uncle, grandson, and granddaughter
Recognize the value of your relationship as daughter and sons
As friends
As co-workers
And, when you select those to marry, my prayer is that you understand the full weight and value of the gift of that relationship and
hold God’s entrusting them into your care as the sacred, Holy covenant that it is, and it is meant to be
What God entrusts to us
is what God calls us to protect, and cherish, and love
Without measure, without season, without fail
I thank God every single day
For all three of you….Madison, Kenton, and Johnson
And I am grateful that God gave me you,
I love you as only your Mama can,
Mama
Luke 12:48 When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required