When It’s Monday, It’s Mama
A is for Anger, Attreversiamo, Adoration, and Appreciation
My Precious Children,
Anger
Anger, given life, can and often does destroy. It can cut a tender heart, break a solid spirit, and kill the wellspring of joy. Anger, at its heart is a deadly place to live. And even when you are a victim of evil, holding fast to anger is not what I wish for you.
Most of us at some time in our lives will be on both sides of anger…that is life. We are human. It will happen. And my heart breaks for both times anger finds life in any of us.
But what is important is what we chose to do with anger…it cannot live in the body, for it will cause a slow death. It cannot live in the mind, for our minds are not meant to be containers for anger. It cannot live in one’s heart, for the heart is the fountain for love. It cannot find residence in the spirit, for our spirit is of God where only good can live. There is only one place for anger to go and that is outside of ourselves onto others or inside ourselves, our personhood where it will seek and destroy the very gut of us.
Anger smiles as it wraps it sinewy arms around a relationship and pulls it into darkness….the abyss where hope cannot life. So, what are you to do when you find yourself the vessel of anger?
I don’t know that I have the perfect answer for that, but what I do know is that we are called to lament those things which hurt us and drive us to anger for anger at its root is hurt turned inside. Anger rises up in our person and protects us from the blood bath of pain and sorrow or fear and loss.
What I have learned is that going to God with the pain of our anger, giving it a name, and turning it over to the only one who is truly capable of taking it out of us is what we can do. And, similarly, when we have brought another to anger, we cannot be the remover of their pain, but we can express our sorrow and meet them at their place of brokenness, even when they hold us at a distance. For, between that person and us, lies the spirit of God….and, he can heal anything, anyone, and everything and everyone.
Just this past Sunday, I sat next to a man who I used to consider a friend. But he struggled sitting next to me due to a wrong season in my past. At first, my heart felt anger that “he does not know my side, my story”….but, then I realized, it no longer matters. I could feel his anger toward me, but I quietly greeted him and gave him over to God. I did not return his anger..in truth…I had not done anything to him. But, I prayed in love that God would help him find love toward me, his Christian sister and left it there…Exodus 14:14 has become my guiding verse in so many instances, and this is one of them.
If you will be quiet, I will fight the battle”
Which, is exactly where God would have me leave it….with Him….The Waymaker – Healer
So, I encourage all three of you….while you cannot keep anger out of your heart, you can decide not to let it take up residence. And, if you are the instigator of anger in another, I further encourage you to go and try to make it right…then let it go to God.
“He who angers you, controls you”…..don’t relinquish your self-control to another due to anger. Lay it down.
Attraversare verso la gioia (Cross over to Joy)
I have a passion for the word attraversaimo …which means to “crossover”. We cross over in our lives so many, many times. From childhood to adulthood, from single to married if we so chose, from childless to a family, from sad to happy, from bitter to forgiving, and, that crossing over goes on and on until we make the final cross over into the life hereafter…
In therapy, we talk a lot about doing things on purpose…”go find yourself and do it on purpose” (Dolly Parton) is one of the foundational beliefs I share in therapy. That is because we cannot cross over to anything until we learn to make the choice to do it…whether in the gym crossing over from no exercise to exercise, or from inability to control one’s tongue to taming the tongue…it all starts with the decision to choose to “crossover”. This means a lot to me because imperfect that we humans are, we will not likely get this right…this crossing over and staying there…..be it our words, our health, our forgiveness, anger, or whatever it is we need to leave behind and let go of. But, thankfully, Scripture tells us that “God looks at the heart”
“God does not see as humans see. Humans look at outward appearances, but the LORD looks into the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7, GWT).
And it is within the depths of our heart that true “crossing over” occurs…it is a journey we work on our whole lives and as we learn more, our crossing over becomes more complete. It is my hope that I have taught each of you children not to tarry too long on building up things of this world but rather, focus on what is eternal. Each of us has a season on this earth…but it is not meant to accumulate and store up and dig our roots into here….what we are called to do is stay focused on eternity and being the light of God to others. I believe with all of my heart that the more you place your sense of purpose on these things, the more you will cross over to genuine love, true joy, and eternal peace which so many find so elusive.
I encourage each of you to always be in a state of attraversaimo…..
Adoration 
This is another word I am growing to love as I get older. I always associate it with God and the expectation that we are to deeply love and adore Him in all ways, always. For me, as a child brought up in the church, this always made sense to me….and, I have felt adoration for God. But, as I grew into teenage and then adulthood, I found it harder to maintain adoration for God…instead, I put other people in the same landscape as that of God. When I married, when I gave birth to you children, bought our first home, car; when I went to the beach, to the hills to rock climb, to the sanctuary to worship, my adoration expanded to include these things.
What I realize now is that I am to maintain adoration for God while finding joy in the people and things and experiences He places in my life. I genuinely believe that God wants his children to appreciate the gifts that He gives us, and there are many. But I do think he desires that we maintain our adoration for Him.
I pray each of you children see that in your Mama and that you grow it in yourselves.
Appreciation
I believe appreciation is directly related to a happy, healthy life. In a society where everyone seems to be “out for themselves” and self-absorbed, my hope and prayer is that each of you find ways each day to appreciate the blessings and opportunities you have been given. If you only focus on what you “don’t have” rather than what you do, life will be much less meaningful. And if your only goal is to grow yourself, you will miss a foundational truth that to bless others increases your own joy.
Don’t be selfish adults. Don’t focus only on what your time on earth can provide for you. Don’t take for granted the blessings of parents who love you, siblings who care about you, having a good education, gainful employment, roofs over your head and food on your table. Be grateful for the relationships you have and find joy in them. Be glad for the times you can be in the presence of those who love you and want to spend time with you. Call your living grandparents while you can. Hike the mountains and watch the sunrise. Find delight in the laughter of children and the fact you can walk in a public place feeling relatively secure you will get to your destination.
Appreciate that your presidential candidate may not win, your boss may not be as patient as you would like, and you may have an additional patient on your shift and learn to be grateful for the opportunity to vote, be employed and have a professional that continues to educate you.
Appreciate that you three have one another always….that there is no greater love you can receive outside of your parents than that of your sibling and reach out to one another….often and for absolutely no reason at all than to hear each other’s voice and encourage one another.
Learn to appreciate the small things, because the saying really is true….one day, the smallest of things become the biggest of things…
“Night ILY”
“ILYAOYMC”
Trips with family every other year
Backyards grilling and pool time in July
Having gas put in your tank
The ability to text your friends
And the list goes on to include those things special to you….
Mama loves each of you as only your Mama can….but, just importantly, I appreciate each of you, the hearts you have, the time you invest in your family, work, and friends….
And it makes all the difference….
ILYAOYMC,
Mama
